Rough day

Today just validates the fact that I can't drink.  Yesterday when Lori and her family were here, I made my beer/vodka/lemonade drink and actually felt pretty tipsy.  Woke up with a headache of course and been seconds near upchucking all day.  It's been a rough one.  Its 9:30 pm, and I still feel it.  Needless to say, I napped all day and we got takeout from Brown Bear.  The kids are so bored! 

Adam did take Avery fishing today at Bass Lake.  I was happy to see them spend some alone time together.  Avery is getting around well.  He used his walker into the bathroom today, and I walked in on him going.  He said, "Mom, get out I want to do do it myself!"  Fantastic!  Every little thing he conquers will only make him stronger. 

My grandma called me tonight and said that they took my mom to the hospital via ambulance.  She is battling lung cancer, has been through radiation and two rounds of chemo, and the cancer just keeps getting worse.  She recently started a new drug that will help kill the cancer.  She's been so weak, and kind of spacey lately.  Im so worried about her.  My grandma said she was real lethargic today and wouldn't wake up easily for them.  Its 9:40 pm, and im battling with the decision to get in my car and go to her.  What if she doesnt make it through this?  I need to be there.  The thing that is holding me back is the kids.  I keep getting this overwhelming feeling that she may never see them again... that they may never see her again.  I want to take them with me to see her.  But im sure they wont allow us all into her room at midnight tonight.  I cant lose my mom.  She is my rock.  She is who I turn to.  We gossip, we laugh at our mutual airheadedness, and we just get each other.  Well... she doesnt get me cause she always says she doesnt understand where I come from, but I have definitely figured her out.  She's so proud of me.  She says it all the time.  I am over the moon that I can make her proud.  :)  I remember when she told me she had a tumor in her lungs...  my first instinct was to call her crying and tell her what I just heard.  Then remembered that it was HER that this was happening to.  And I needed to be strong for her.  To make her believe everything was going to be ok.  But the fact is, there's a good chance it wont.  Nothing hurts more than to not have the words or solution to comfort someone.  So I sit here... the pain is throbbing in my chest.  All of it.  From Avery, from everything we've been through in the last year and a half, from the moment I heard she was sick.  It is hitting me like a ton of bricks all at once.  Should I go to her?